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Jennifer, Quit Coach Dec 03, 2016 (08:17 PM)  


Joined: Dec 29, 2010
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915478

bump for Kel15!

Smokers' Helpline Online Support Team

Jennifer, Quit Coach Oct 03, 2015 (01:46 PM)  


Joined: Dec 29, 2010
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848958

Hi Everyone,

If you haven't read this great post " When Couples Quit" take a few moments to scroll down to the original post by Sparkey - great info/advice for those members quitting as a couple....
 
Enjoy! 

Smokers' Helpline Online Support Team

Happy Dogs Jan 01, 2014 (01:33 PM)  


Joined: Mar 12, 2013
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Age: 48
Gender: Female
Country: Canada
Occupation: Child & Youth Worker
Hobbies: My Dogs, Staying Smoke Free
792284

For Anna

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 1/25/2013
Smoke-Free Days: 341
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 8,525
Amount Saved: $3,239.50
Life Gained:
Days: 35 Hrs: 3 Mins: 10 Seconds: 36

Staying Free

mamamia Nov 13, 2013 (05:33 PM)  


Joined: Dec 25, 2011
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Age: 49
Gender: Female
Occupation: self employed / custodian / Scout leader
Hobbies: looking for humor,
787994

Bumped For Charm, Go to the very first post on this I hope it helps you !!
 
Mia


My Milage:

My Quit Date: 12/22/2011
Smoke-Free Days: 692
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 9,688
Amount Saved: $4,262.72
Life Gained:
Days: 71 Hrs: 6 Mins: 3 Seconds: 26

moving forward one day at a time

mamamia Mar 19, 2013 (06:14 PM)  


Joined: Dec 25, 2011
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Age: 49
Gender: Female
Occupation: self employed / custodian / Scout leader
Hobbies: looking for humor,
768624

Scorpion, good to see you , your welcome , many can relate to losing control in the first few months of a quit, for some longer then others there is no right or wrong way , communication is key , having long discussions is so awesome because it allows both partners to voice their opinions, knowing when to say let's agree to disagree and walking away is also okay, we are all individual before couple, provided respect is given and understanding of each others needs and space needed during the early months of a quit is important , Glad to see things are looking good , KTQ and remember NOPE
 
Congrats on reaching 53 days , 
All the best Mia


My Milage:

My Quit Date: 12/22/2011
Smoke-Free Days: 453
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 6,342
Amount Saved: $2,790.48
Life Gained:
Days: 46 Hrs: 16 Mins: 8 Seconds: 15

moving forward one day at a time

scorp Mar 19, 2013 (12:08 PM)  


Joined: Mar 12, 2013
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Age: 51
Gender: Male
Country: Canada
Occupation: Security
Hobbies: Computers/cars
768592

Good morning Mia and Sparky,
 
Just to say thank you for helping.  Happy Dogs and I are working on talking without lousing control(kind of hard sometime), and it's going pretty good so far.  Sometime a discussion can last hours because we have to take breaks to calm down but it's going better every time we talk.
 
Thanks again 


My Milage:

My Quit Date: 1/25/2013
Smoke-Free Days: 53
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 1,325
Amount Saved: $503.50
Life Gained:
Days: 8 Hrs: 17 Mins: 28 Seconds: 11

In the winning lane!

mamamia Mar 17, 2013 (09:13 PM)  


Joined: Dec 25, 2011
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Age: 49
Gender: Female
Occupation: self employed / custodian / Scout leader
Hobbies: looking for humor,
768359

Bumping for Scorpion

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 12/22/2011
Smoke-Free Days: 451
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 6,314
Amount Saved: $2,778.16
Life Gained:
Days: 46 Hrs: 11 Mins: 30 Seconds: 28

moving forward one day at a time

Wavylocks Mar 04, 2013 (10:17 PM)  


Joined: Nov 08, 2012
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Age: 54
Gender: Female
Country: Canada
Occupation: florist
Hobbies: gardening, Zumba, walking my dog, grooming my cats
766275

Thank you very much Mia,,and Sparky,,it is a whole new journey that's for sure!

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 11/1/2012
Smoke-Free Days: 123
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 1,845
Amount Saved: $885.60
Life Gained:
Days: 14 Hrs: 12 Mins: 46 Seconds: 30

Breathe,,,,

mamamia Feb 27, 2013 (01:09 PM)  


Joined: Dec 25, 2011
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Age: 49
Gender: Female
Occupation: self employed / custodian / Scout leader
Hobbies: looking for humor,
765437

For Wavy , or anyone else needing this right now  but check out the other one Sparkey just posted
 


My Milage:

My Quit Date: 12/22/2011
Smoke-Free Days: 433
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 7,361
Amount Saved: $3,238.84
Life Gained:
Days: 44 Hrs: 14 Mins: 14 Seconds: 39

moving forward one day at a time

sparky2 Aug 18, 2012 (06:34 PM)  


Joined: Aug 15, 2011
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Age: 58
Gender: Male
Country: Canada
Occupation: Being a child of the universe and exploring what it has to offer
Hobbies: Travelling, music, writing, being outdoors and giving a hand up to someone who is down
744911

So here we are and you and your spouse are trying to quit at the same time.  I know it sounds daunting and you are afraid what life will be like when the two of you are not smoking.  It will not be all puppies and butterflies but there are ways to help to cut down on the problems that you will face while doing so.
Communication is so vital when you both quit. Talk to each other and tell each other how you are feeling, what you are feeling. Each quit is different and unique to the quitter so never assume that the other feels the same way. Tell each other I am feeling stressed or happy or angry and don’t assume they will know. They do not necessarily share the same emotions you are feeling at the same time. So you are upset and the other happy and both wonder what is her/his problem as I feel sad and he/she is all happy and joyful. By keeping each other informed it saves on a lot of arguments when he/she is not there to support you as they don’t feel the same way.
  Never get upset at him/her because they don’t share the same emotions. Don’t suddenly scream out “How the hell can you feel so good when I feel so bad”. I know you are laughing but this is not an uncommon comment I hear quite a bit. Inbox is full of one spouse mad and the other is doing well. Also do not compare your quit to that of the other and say I am failing because they are doing so well. Each quit is different and we all develop at our own pace.

 Never get down on each other or dismiss things the other feels. Do not say “Oh you are being silly feeling that way” or “just suck it up”. These are real emotions they are feeling and need to be dealt with and not dismissed. The two of you need to support each other now more than ever so never downplay what the other is feeling. Help them get through it but also resist going “look at me I am doing great so can’t understand why you are having so much trouble”.  Love and support will get you so much further than arrogance and mocking the other.
Resist managing the other’s quit. You got enough on your plate managing your own so don’t try and manage someone else’s. Give them the love and support they need but don’t try and tell them what they should do. Suggest things that worked for you or that you have learned but leave it at that. Do not get heavy handed and say I told you that you needed to do this or that. Offer advice but if not welcomed then leave it at that but don’t push things on them. Also it is not unusual for someone to say “well I already knew that” in a snotty voice but don’t take offence.  Avoid getting into a fight over the fact they may not take you advice. Finally you know each other and know when it is a good time to talk and when it is best to hold your tongue. Right in the middle of a huge craving is not the time to try and talk.
 
 Remember that the golden rule is the 3 Cs. I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it and I can’t cure it. Basically if your partner is having trouble or goes back to smoking you had nothing to do with that. You did not cause them to start again as that was a personal choice. Again try to be supportive and tell them here to help if you want to try again but do not get down on them for it as they already feel bad as it is. Try to build them up but do not knock them down over it.

There is only one quit you have control over and that is your own. You can control and should not try to control someone else’s quit. Only they can and by trying to do so leads to frustration and anger.  You got enough going on without taking on their quit so support them but don’t try and micromanage their quit as they need to do it (continued)


My Milage:

My Quit Date:

It's hard to fail, but it's worse to not even try

sparky2 Aug 18, 2012 (06:31 PM)  


Joined: Aug 15, 2011
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Age: 58
Gender: Male
Country: Canada
Occupation: Being a child of the universe and exploring what it has to offer
Hobbies: Travelling, music, writing, being outdoors and giving a hand up to someone who is down
744910

You got enough going on without taking on their quit so support them but don’t try and micromanage their quit as they need to do it on their own. You may feel and may offer advice but they need to do the work.

 Finally they control their own quit so if it does not work it is not your fault.  Some will blame themselves thinking I should have done more or sometimes your partner will blame you for their not making it. Again only they can do it themselves and they are responsible for the outcome. If you did all you could and offered support and help but they still do not make it you can’t cure that as only they can themselves.



My Milage:

My Quit Date: 11/19/2010
Smoke-Free Days: 638
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 15,950
Amount Saved: $6,380.00
Life Gained:
Days: 114 Hrs: 15 Mins: 37 Seconds: 50

It's hard to fail, but it's worse to not even try

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